Self and Self-energy are key concepts to IFS (Internal Family Systems) Therapy because they describe the healing principle that underpins the whole method.

Practicing IFS Therapy without engaging with Self or Self-energy is like trying to eat ice cream without dealing with the fact that ice cream is cold. Without cold, there is no ice cream… and without Self, there is no healing in IFS. I am going to answer a few questions about Self and Self-energy.

What is the difference between Self and Self-energy?

Self is a state of consciousness from which is possible to heal mental health issues. When we are in “Self”, we experience (some of) the so-called 8 C’s, which are Compassion, Curiosity, Calm, Clarity, Courage, Connectedness, Confidence, and Creativity. There are 5 further attributes to Self, which are knows as the 5 P’s, and they are Playfulness, Patience, Presence, Perspective, and Persistence.

Readers who have good memory might find it easy to remember all these words, but it is not necessary to be able to list them or learn them by heart. For example, if you are on the dyslexic spectrum like me, you might want to rely on the experience of being in Self without using words. I call this the “embodied experience of Self”.

The embodied experience of Self

I use the word “embodied” because Self is not just an idea, but it is a state of being that includes a state of mind, feelings and body. When you are in Self, you can experience the following in your body

• A sense of expansion in your chest area

• The body feels lighter

• The head feels less crowded and thinking is more clear and peaceful

• Breathing is smooth and deeper than usual

• Face muscles are relaxed

At times, if there is a lot of stress in the system, feelings of tiredness are felt when in Self.

It is now time to describe what is Self-energy. Self-energy is basically the experience that goes with the state of Self. “Energy” is a much wider word than “experience” and describes what it feels to be in Self, the “vibe” that a person feels and radiates when a person is in Self. IFS therapists constantly encourage the expansion of Self-energy and try to understand how much Self-energy is available to the client at any given moment of therapy.

The ides of Self-energy is more flexible than Self because some parts of the system can hold various degrees of Self-energy even if these parts are not Self. We can describe the process of healing through IFS as the process of allowing all parts to operate with as much Self-energy as possible.

Why is Self so important in IFS?

Self is key to IFS Therapy because it is at the base of its healing principle and it is also important experience clients have during an effective IFS session.

The healing principle of IFS Therapy is the following:

Healing happens when Self interacts with parts. The stronger the relationship between Self and parts is, the more healing will spontaneously happen

The aim of each IFS Therapy session is for the client to identify parts, enter the state of Self, and, from that state, communicate to the parts.

The more empathic, compassionate, open and calm the communication between Self and parts is, the more healing happens. It is through this dialogue that parts heal from traumas, let go of dysfunctional behaviours and of distorted views of reality.

3 ways to describe Self in IFS

Self can be described in various ways. The reader is free to choose whatever way suits best their belief system. I am going to present here three definitions, which, I believe, are all valid.

1) the traditional way

IFS books describe Self as the “absence of parts”. In other words, by asking parts to step aside, people automatically experience the state that we call Self. In this state, people experience calm, clarity of thought, courage and compassion.

2) the spiritual way

The traditional definition of Self seems very close to the idea of “Higher Self” or of “Spirit” or “Inner wisdom” that is in common in various spiritual traditions. It is a state of consciousness characterised by love, calm and compassion.

3) The “undamaged” part of yourself

This is one of my favourite because it instantly gives me hope and reminds me that, whatever difficulty or problem one person might be facing, there is more to life. We are more than our anxieties and mental health problems, and there is a part of us that is not damaged and that has not been touched by trauma. This undamaged Self not only exists, but it always available to create healing.

Remember that “We are more than our parts”

So… who are we? I like to think that we are the result of the interaction of Self and of our parts. When we are too separate from Self and our parts do not have much Self-energy available, we over-identify with parts and with the pain, traumas and distorted views of reality that these parts might carry.

The most important (and at times difficult) task to improve our mental health is to remember that there is always more to us and our lives than the pains and problems we are experiencing in that moment of life.

It is, unfortunately, difficult to experience Self without the assistance of an IFS trained therapist. Even if we can all experience Self, it takes time and guidance to access it consciously.

At times, if the internal system of a person is particularly burdened and heavily protected, it can take more than one IFS Sessions to experience a sense of Self, from which healing can happen.

One final note…

I hope this article has given you some insight into the IFS method. I personally write these articles and they are freely available on my website. I kindly ask that you reference them by quoting this webpage if you use them for personal, professional or educational purposes.

If there are topics you would like to know more about, please let me know.