Three steps to deal with intrusive thoughts with IFS (Internal Family Systems)

Intrusive thoughts are a common feature in many forms of suffering due to what we currently call “mental health problems”. 

Intrusive throughs in mental health issues 

Intrusive thoughts are the trademark of OCD. As a matter of fact, there are forms of OCD that only have the obsessive element without the compulsive one. 

We can consider obsessions as a form of intrusive thoughts. When we are obsessed, we just can’t stop thinking of something despite a part of ourselves is fed up with these thoughts. In many OCD cases, the content of such thoughts is quite disturbing for the person and generate more anxiety than before. The vicious cycle continues with more anxiety and more obsessive thoughts, and the person uses compulsive behaviour to lower the anxiety… until the next cycle begins. 

There are less painful and intrusive forms of intrusive thoughts. The most harmless of all is when we have a song playing over and over in our mind. This usually happens to me during the Christmas season when all shops have Christmas songs on loop… after even a short time shopping, I seem to have an MP3 player in my brain that’s on repeat and I can’t find the stop button!

Whether disturbing or annoying, pleasant or disgusting, intrusive thoughts are something that repeats in our mind and that does not seem to get the message to stop. 

We do this all the time and we might not realise that they are all forms of intrusion. Here is a list 

• You have been selected to participate on a TV show that will change your life. No matter what you do, all you think about is how to prepare for the show.

• You have a date with someone you really fancy and that’s all you want to talk about to the people you meet.

• You are going on a trip to visit a place you have always dreamt of.

Now let’s look at more day-to-day situations 

• You have a difficult situation with your manager. You don’t know what to do or say, and your thoughts continuously try to find a solution.

• You feel guilty about something because you think that you have behaved badly, and all you can think about are the terrible consequences of your behaviour. If you have a way to make amends, your thoughts might be a long list of things you can do to repair the situation; if there is no way to make amends, then it becomes a form of torture in which your thoughts remind you how bad you are and what a terrible human being you are.

• You are in a relationship with someone who does not behave in a way that makes you feel that your needs are met. Therefore you spend the majority of your day analysing the situation and thinking whether there is something wrong with you for feeling this way, or something wrong with your partner.

• You, or someone you love or care for, are going through difficulties that threaten survival (financial, health, strong losses of any type) and all you think about are solutions to the problems.

The above lists might never end. What is in common with the scenarios I have described is that intrusive thoughts seem to stem from situations (either present, past or future) that have the potential to introduce immense changes to life (for better or for worse). 

Intrusive thoughts from a systemic perspective 

IFS is a form of systemic therapy. Even if we focus mainly on the inner system of parts, we acknowledge that, if there is an inner system, there is also an external system with which we interact constantly. Our parts shaped themselves and got into roles that, at times, are extreme as a result of our interactions with the external system. 

As described above, many intrusive thoughts stem from interactions with the external system that have the potential to introduce sudden changes to the status quo. From a symbolic perspective, sudden change has elements of death in it… especially if we cannot go back. 

Intrusive thoughts, therefore, do not exist on their own, but they are partly due to some form of or very meaningful change. The possibility to become famous as well as the idea of being found guilty of harmful behaviour towards others can lead to drastic changes in life. 

Similarly, dealing with a disease or the potential loss of someone dear is another example of great changes coming up. 

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A 3-step way to identify the parts involved in intrusive thinking  

In IFS, we take for granted that we don’t know what is happening inside our systems unless we ask our parts. While there are recurring themes among instances of intrusive thoughts, it is only though asking our parts that we can find out what is going on. In this section, I am going to present 3 steps to help you in your journey to free yourself from intrusive thoughts.

Disclaimer: if you suffer from OCD or if you have strong reactions to your intrusive thoughts, do not do the exercise below without professional help. 

1) Sending intrusive thoughts to a room

First of all, I ask clients to consciously become aware of their intrusive thoughts. What are they saying in the here and now? 

Then we identify who is listening to these thoughts. Chances are that there are a few parts who are reacting to these thoughts. These parts might be fed up with the thoughts or might be worried that these thoughts exist. 

Now imagine two room in which you send these parts 

• Room A - please send the intrusive thoughts to this room

• Room B - please send all parts that are reacting to the thoughts into this other room 

Pause and check how you are feeling. Only proceed if you are feeling at least neutral and not bothered by the intrusive thoughts. If you are in any way reacting to the thoughts rather than observing them, you are technically “blended” with another part of you, and you cannot look at the intrusive thoughts from a position that is detached enough. This is one of the hardest parts of IFS that is difficult to do on your own. Don’t force yourself to do this if it’s not working. Rather, seek professional help or choose a set of intrusive thoughts that are not too distressing (like the Christian song). 

2) Investigating intrusive thoughts with curiosity

Ok, now it’s time to think of all the possibilities. First of all, where are the intrusive thoughts coming from?

• Option 1: they come from a part of you who has taken on some burden and believes that it needs to hold on to these thoughts to protect you. 

• Option 2: they are thoughts or thought forms that are inside your system, but actually belong to the external system. Usually these are cultural norms and beliefs, or things that close family used to say, or it could be energetic or psychic disturbances caused by what we cannot observe. 

For option 1, we can proceed with the protector interview method. We understand what the part is doing, its job, intention, if it is protecting other parts and so on. 

For option 2, we need to ask the part what is going on and trust the information we get. This needs to be handled by a professional and it is beyond the scope of this article. 

3) Find your “inner open doors” to intrusions

We need to establish the part(s) of the inner system that have allowed, and may still allow, the intrusion to happen. The thoughts that intrude us are not random. There could be millions of thoughts that could be intrusive, but our system has opened the door to that particular set of thoughts. 

There is no point in getting rid of a set of intrusive thoughts, if our system has a door that says “intrusive thoughts please, jump the queue and enter this way”. It is crucial to not forget about this aspect of our system. It is ultimately our responsibility to understand what keeps these “inner open doors” open. If we reject this responsibility, we also reject our power to change and put an end to intrusions.

Usually, by getting to know the intrusive thoughts with the help of an expert, we can get enough of an idea of our “inner open door”. And this can go many ways. It could be that we need to put physical boundaries in place to avoid being exposed to certain things (for example listen to other music during Christmas shopping). Or it could be that our “inner open door” is the job of burdened parts of our inner system that have learnt to keep openings for intrusions as a way of survival. 

Whatever the situation, it is important to not just act on the intrusion, but also on the opening that allows and keeps the intrusions. 

What if the intrusions don’t go away?

Please remember that intrusive thoughts can be a long-lasting and very disturbing experience that can challenge your life in many ways. Help is both out there and inside of you, but nothing is likely to change if you have parts that believe that you are hopeless and that nothing works for you.

As a matter of fact, you might have parts that have stepped into a victim role and that do not see any way out. These victim parts believe that your “inner open door” can never be shut and have no power over it. At times, it is necessary to work on these deeply rooted beliefs before any form of therapy or help can work on you.

Take some time and set the intention of being super honest with yourself. Take a few seconds and answer the following questions

1. Do you believe that you have the right to say no to intrusive thoughts?

2. Do you believe that you deserve to live a life without intrusive thoughts?

3. Do you believe that, one day, you can stand in front of your intrusive thoughts in grace and clarity, and say, without anger or fear, that you do not allow these thoughts in you?

If you have said yes to the above questions, you are likely to succeed in your quest for freedom from these intrusive thoughts. If you did not know how to answer, or if you answered no, you need to look into what stopped you from answering with a solid “yes” to all questions.

To summarise

Dealing with intrusive thoughts is not as straightforward as one might hope. This article is just an introduction to the intricacies related to intrusive thinking and I have much more to say about this. Whatever method you choose to deal with intrusive thoughts, please address at least the aspects I have highlighted above. These are

1. Investigation with curiosity (not persecution or blame) of the intrusive thoughts and the parts that carry these thoughts to find out exactly what they are and where they come from;

2. Look at your “inner open doors”, which means, in other words, to understand that you are in charge of your inner system and that there have been reasons why you you have these openings to intrusive thinking;

3. Seek professional help if any of this feels too much because this is difficult to do on your own;

4. Consider that this, like other methods, might not be a complete match for what you need;

5. Consider that there might be some changes that you need to implement in order to have more peace of mind. This means that this is not just “inner work”, but it can require a lot of boundary settings.

I hope this article has given you some inspiration. Please share, like and leave a comment if you wish.